The Power of 'I Don't Know:’ Why Vulnerability at Work Is Important

“My first day of work at my current job was March 5, 2020. 11 days later, the therapeutic day school I had just begun working at closed due to Covid, shifting its programming. Twenty-four days later, I was furloughed. The great pause of the pandemic brought with it a lot of personal self-discovery and development. While I was much more prepared to return to work over 200 days later, that first day back felt like the most uncomfortable deja vu. Here I was, meeting people for the second time, but learning things for the first, feeling like I should know so much more, yet knowing nothing.

This came to a head after an encounter I had with a student, when I was embarrassed and angry that I didn't know more about the paperwork needed to document the exchange. I sat down with my supervisor and exhaustedly exclaimed my frustration; here I was, crying in front of the woman who over 365 days prior interviewed me and answered emphatically “Yes!” to my favorite question for potential employers:  Is it okay to make mistakes here?

It turns out in this case it was. It was okay to admit that I didn’t know everything. And it was okay not only to ask for help but to receive it. Sharing these things was not solely an expression of self-doubt. It was an invitation for connection.”

- Yaa Underhill, Connection Labs Facilitator

Did you know?

Exhibiting vulnerability, even in a way as simple as admitting,  “I don’t know” to a co-worker or employee, helps to build trust between people, and to foster a more psychologically safe environment at work. As Brené Brown tells us, “You can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability. Embrace the suck.” 

If you are in a leadership position, demonstrating vulnerability is even more critical. Amy Edmondson and Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic say, "In a complex and uncertain world that demands constant learning and agility, the most apt and adaptable leaders are those who are aware of their limitations, have the necessary humility to grow their own and others’ potential, and are courageous and curious enough to create sincere and open connections with others.” 

As you model that self-awareness, humility, and vulnerability in your workplace, a shift to a more positive culture will likely follow in its wake:

• A culture of collaboration will be fostered as colleagues become more confident asking for and receiving feedback.

• A culture of belonging will grow as employees feel more comfortable being themselves, and connecting with others more deeply. 

• A culture of openness will emerge as people share more of their opinions and ideas, even if unpopular, without fear of judgment. 

• A culture of innovation will develop as individuals feel safer and more courageous taking risks, even if they end in failure.  

In the words of writer Joseph Campbell, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” The fear of being vulnerable is natural, and it can preclude some from practicing it. But it is only with that practice that we are able to make greater connections with others.

Awareness, Context, Intention

Building Awareness: How often do you admit to someone that you “don’t know” the answer to a question?  How do you feel when you reveal to someone your own limitations, or need to ask for help? Is it difficult for you? Why or why not?

Considering Context: In what areas of your life do you find it easier or harder to ask for help and admit your limitations? What needs to be true in a given environment or relationship for you to practice vulnerability?

Creating Intention: Consider someone you’re relatively comfortable with, but don’t feel as connected to as you’d like.  Explore the ways in which you might practice more vulnerability with this person, and give it a try. How do you feel? Did it invite more vulnerability from the other person? In what ways did it deepen your connection, or not? 

Tap into your strengths

As always, we recommend tapping into your strengths to better accomplish your goals:

• Use honesty to admit when you don’t know, and hope to trust that those around you are inclined to help, and will not judge.

• Use your love of learning to prioritize the benefit of progress rather than the fear of failure.

• Consider perspective to remind yourself that this is important work and won’t be easy, and that practice makes progress.

• Finally, when someone asks you for help or is being vulnerable, show support with  kindness, love, and humility.