Navigating Negotiation
“When I’m in the room, I’m trying to solve everyone’s problems, not just my client’s. When the other side takes a position that doesn’t work for us, the first word out of my mouth is, “Why?” If I know their motivation, I can suggest other ways to get there – but only if I have a complete understanding of my client’s goals and how different provisions of the deal interact. Being good in the room requires a lot of preparation beforehand. It also requires a certain amount of dispassion. I’m not at my best if I’m worried about looking weak or being taken advantage of. I’m also not at my best if I’m trying to please the other side or feel too much empathy for them. Negotiators have a thousand little tricks and techniques to play on emotion and ego. Sometimes they’re deployed tactically, sometimes they’re just a part of personalities. Either way, I try to stay focused on the puzzle: What do they want? What do we want? How can the deal be reimagined to give each side what’s most important to them? It seems like a pollyannaish goal, but we get there more often than you might think.”
- Ethan Frechette, Stebbins Bradley Law Firm Director & C-Labs Participant
The ability to effectively negotiate is a coveted skill in the business world. Often, we are taught to view negotiations as necessarily adversarial, a heated tug-of-war resulting in a designated winner and loser. We might picture the “winner” being persistent and highly assertive, and the loser being bulldozed by the winner’s steadfast adherence to their best interest. Yet these commonly-held beliefs about negotiation are misleading, and can lead us to shortchange both ourselves and the person with whom we are negotiating. Negotiation is not a contest in which only one party can walk away satisfied— at least, it doesn’t have to be.
Did you know?
When negotiating, there are three types of issues we can encounter:
1) Distributive Issues: when the interests of two parties are directly pitted against one another. This prompts an adversarial engagement through which only one person can get what they want.
2) Compatible Issues: when the interests of two parties align.
3) Integrative Issues: when two parties have competing interests that are weighted differently–the loss of one party is of lesser value than the gain of the other.
We often overestimate the prevalence of distributive issues, neglecting the importance of compatible and integrative issues. If we automatically assume that our interest opposes that of our negotiating counterpart, we may bluff about our desired outcome and end up with either an agreement that satisfies no one, or an agreement that falls short of what we could have come away with had we considered our opponent’s goals and effectively communicated our own.
Negotiation can be difficult when we struggle with perspective-taking. As humans, we are sometimes egocentric and as a result can miss opportunities to understand the wants and needs of others. Our own goals loom large in our heads, and we can enter situations preoccupied with personal gain, taking on a “competing” conflict resolution style; I win, you lose. This problem can be overcome with a focus on empathy, collaboration and open communication.
If we prioritize listening to the requests of our negotiating partner, and transparently advocate for our own, we are more likely to spot and take advantage of compatible and integrative solutions. Harvard negotiator Dan Shapiro recommends taking the first ten minutes of a conversation where conflict is presented to listen to the case made by the opposing party and to appreciate their perspective, a practice known as constructivist listening. This means listening not with the intent to simply respond, but instead listening to understand what one’s negotiating partner has to say. Approaching negotiation as a collaborative effort, Shapiro notes, is another important piece in reducing the urge to default to a “me versus you” mentality that short circuits effective communication. Negotiations with these considerations in mind serve as great opportunities to strengthen relationships in the workplace, establishing a foundation of trust and respect.
Awareness, Context, Intention
Building Awareness: What is your mindset when approaching negotiation? What is/are your default conflict resolution style(s)?
Considering Context: In what scenarios are you more likely to view negotiations as a competition versus an opportunity for collaboration and shared gain? Are there specific people, emotions, or situations that impact the stance you take?
Setting Intention: Explore a balance between constructivist listening, learning more about your partner's needs, and advocating for your own.
Tap into your strengths
Tap into your strengths to better connect to the meaning in your life.
Use curiosity to discover the needs of your negotiating partner
Use honesty to transparently communicate what you want out of an agreement
Use self-regulation to step back and reflect on what both you and your partner want, ensuring that your goals do not dominate your focus
Use teamwork to locate and take advantage of compatible and integrative issues
