Be Kind to Yourself
“For 2022, my New Year's resolutions center around living sustainably, which I describe as a way of working and living that maintains my wellbeing, engagement with life, and happiness. As a participant in the Connection 101 workshop, I resolved that living sustainably needed to be my number one priority and I realized that I am so committed to this goal because of some painful episodes of burnout which I experienced over the last four years. For the first nine months of 2021, I am proud to say I worked a healthy amount, and was present in the relationships that matter most to me. However, in the fall of 2021, I returned to in-person classes, and the pace of campus life pushed my working hours beyond my personal limits. By the end of the fall term, I was working during most of my meals, scheduling all of my awake-hours without breaks, and was slow to respond to texts from friends because I was always in a rush. During those weeks I was not living in a sustainable way which had a negative effect on my social, emotional and mental health. It’s painful for me to think about those moments because I know I was living out of alignment with my values. But, sometimes our most difficult experiences are a great source of personal strength and resolve. I hope to channel this resolve into the future by remembering to leverage all of my strengths, and to be grateful for the progress I do make, no matter how small.
-Martha Rand, Former Connection Labs Intern
For many, the annual ritual of setting New Year resolutions is a source of hope and optimism; a chance to reset and re-prioritize. But as we can all likely relate, setting goals for ourselves — to finally get in shape, to close more deals, to practice more patience — is the easy part. Reaching them — and establishing the positive habits to maintain them — is another story. In fact, according to David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, 25% of resolutions will be abandoned by January 8th.
Did you know?
At Connection Labs, we seek to empower you — our participants — to cultivate relationships that will enable you to be more effective, productive, and engaged in everything you do. And that includes your relationship with yourself. As LCSW and psychotherapist Cynthia Wall writes in her book, The Courage to Trust: A Guide to Building Deep and Lasting Relationships, “Loving and caring for yourself not only increases self-trust, it also deepens your connection with others.”
As we all know, part of caring for yourself is developing positive habits in pursuit of your well-being. However, when we fail at those habits, DeSteno says it is often due to our over-reliance on willpower. While willpower is helpful in moderation, over time the mental energy and motivation it takes to complete a goal using willpower alone declines — often leading to more stress.
One alternative is cultivating gratitude, self-compassion, and pride. In our recent email, we detailed how practicing gratitude is one of the easiest ways to boost your employees’ performance. Well, it turns out, it is also one of the easiest ways to boost your own productivity. This is because, together with self-compassion and pride, these emotions tend to dial down the feelings of anxiety and depression and dial up the value of the future, leading to increased patience, perseverance and self-control. Being kinder to yourself, it turns out, is also linked with better mental health, better physical health, and higher motivation.
This year, we hope you’ll join us in one of our team’s resolutions at Connection Labs: for each of us to show self-compassion, take pride in our respective strengths and accomplishments, and practice gratitude every day as we work to take care of ourselves and each other.
Awareness, Context, Intention
Building Awareness: How does your NOLS leadership style impact how you achieve the goals you set for yourself? Is this something that comes naturally to you or do you have to work on it?
Considering Context: Is there a certain place where you find it easier to maintain positive habits? For example, in the workplace or at home? How do your personal habits impact your relationships with others?
Creating Intention: What does it feel like when your will-power is starting to wane? Take notice of that feeling and see if and how the pursuit of your goals is impacted.
Tap into your strengths…
Don’t forget — use your strengths to take better care of yourself!
Use gratitude and appreciation of beauty and excellence to appreciate the things you yourself already do and are good at
Use perspective to set feasible goals
Use zest to approach goals as a challenge rather than a chore
Finally, use forgiveness if you get off track and perseverance to get back to it should you hit a snag